Some musings.
These few days, I've been a bit moody, and it might be because of the cold I'm having, but I just felt that life is weary; you need to work/study, toil every day, and the cycle repeats. And feeling a bit weary in the Christian journey as well. I often wonder how a Christian presses on for 70-80 years, if they live that long. Donald Ye Ye told me, "It's Jesus who keeps me going." The irony of having such thoughts is that I'm in the most restful season of the year: summer. I sometimes think it'll be nice if I can just leave and party in heaven already. But I told Ajia not to worry, I'm not having suicidal thoughts. It was apt to read this in Isobel Kuhn's Nests Above the Abyss book today:
"..perhaps you are facing a drab period when all the colour has seemed to depart from life....First, remember that this has come only to pass. Second, be sure that they are an opportunity for more abundant fruitfulness. That is always their purpose. It was the ugly confinement of prison which brought Luke's Gospel, Paul's prison epistles, etc.. Third, go on and open your eyes to see God's edelwiess. That is what Miss Carmichael calls the little happy things sent to cheer the greyness of the Heat Mist days."
I do get the "what is the point of life" feeling every once in a while. And they always remind me that I don't know where I'll be without Christ. What does one hope in? What does one find joy in? Where does one go to for refuge? Things of this life are so fleeting. They are here today and gone tomorrow. Isn't that true also of our fragile lives? If I didn't know Jesus, I would imagine myself living aimlessly, trying to please people and gain acceptance to feel like my existence is just a little more justified. I wouldn't know what to live for! I would think life is difficult. Money is hard to earn for. I would be so scared of death that I would just live in denial of death. I would feel very insecure. Yes, insecure is probably the word which would describe my life best--except! Because I know the person Jesus! Friend, redeemer, refuge, King, Lord,..who loves me before I even knew Him, who is faithful when I am faithless or unfaithful, who is always there even when I don't think of Him, who redeemed me from my pit of self-centredness that separates me from my Creator.
Yet, my heart wanders so often and my love for God is like the morning dew. But this period of emo-ness will pass. May it be an opportunity for abundant fruitfulness. And may I remember the little happy things that God has put in my way. I just need to notice them. What a whiner I am! I read Isobel Kuhn's book on the trials and hardships and unimaginable sufferings that Christian missionaries and new Christians have had to go through in Lisuland, China. I don't think I would be able to go through what they did! And here I am whining over..nothing.
Today, this song came to mind:
There is none like you
No one else can touch my heart like You do
I could search for all eternity long
And find, there is none like You
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