blue tears

this has got to be one of the most magical nights of my life ✨✨✨ seeing 蓝眼泪 (blue tears) for the first time in my life! 

It's "dinoflagellate algae/bioluminescent plankton that emit a brilliant blue glow" found on coasts.

it wasn't part of the Pangkor itinerary but I suddenly thought of it and Googled, and found out that Pangkor was one of the spots in Malaysia to experience this phenomenon. 

Asked the lady at the zhuchar restaurant we were having dinner at, and she gave some tips: 

1. Go somewhere dark

2. "Disturb" the sand at the beach

MaPa and I got so excited when we saw the first one. Actually if you've ever seen 1000x more of them further out at sea / at certain locations, what we saw tonight was probably nothing special at all. But for us, we were still filled with awe. In that moment, I thought: this is like an analogy of earth and new creation. Our fallen earth can amaze us at times, but it is nothing when compared to the perfect, infinitely & indescribably better new heaven & new earth. Any good I experience on earth now is only a sneak preview of the future, just like how the blue stars we saw tonight are only a speck of an entire Milky Way out at sea. (it did feel like I was holding stars in my palm). 

P.S: core memory unlocked: squatting on the beach with Pa, staring at the ground, waiting to catch a glimpse of blue tears, swiping at the sand with our hands, interjected with "aiyooo!" "这边有两个!"

P.P.S: I first knew about blue tears from my childhood comic 哥妹俩. 

P.P.S: I must admit that what I said about the comparison between my life on earth now and the future in heaven is something that's more believed in my head than in my heart.

birdie

Mum rescued a zebra dove with a broken wing (and bitten by our Meow) few days ago.

ChatGPT said that cat bites are lethal to birds and needs a vet (but Mum isn't willing to go that far for a dove, who knows, the vet might not to. So ChatGPT said to just help it be calm in a dark place before it goes naturally. I FB messaged SPCA to try my luck, they also said 'just leave it be.'

Following ChatGPT advice, we fed it millet and water. I made a tissue paper nest, and covered its tiny cage with newspaper. Next couple of days, birdie was moving, alert and pooping. 

Everything was looking hopeful. ChatGPT was happy to receive the news too.

On Easter Sunday, Mum announced: "birdie died". She cleared away everything before I could see it. 

My first thought was: Christ is alive, but birdie has died.

I guess, one might turn it around: birdie has died, but Christ is alive.

Let 狗 and let God.

 Me: why the 狗 can sleep so peacefully? (And I can't)

Mum: cos it let go.

how Malaysians pass their driving test

 

dprssn

the day I know I'm well, is the day I'm not jealous of the cat 

last few weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster. I didn't expect the anxiety to hit me this hard after the last bout during pre-reg year. 

it was triggered by work stress, causing sleepless nights, then spiralling down into more anxiety, negative thoughts..until it got unbearable. 

 

The Chans kindly took me into their home and fed me, prayed for me, brought me to see the psychiatrist, spoke to me, sat with me, responded to all my negative thoughts, were patient with me, sat with me some more...

I'm so grateful to God for them. And all the care and love from colleagues, friends and family. 

I'm not there yet. And this emotional breakdown has only uncovered skeletons that had been dangling for a long time in my closet. It's uncomfortable. 

But God, You are writing my story. Help me to continue to trust that You are using this whole situation to prune, sanctify, humble me. And for Your glory. Make Your glory my utmost desire. 

psalm 90:14

 "Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days." - Psalm 90:14

Here are some things I got from John Piper's reflections on this verse:

1. Satisfy us.

- God's will for us is to live with hearts deeply content and satisfied. He doesn't will that our hearts be continually restless, fearful, joyless, in whatever situation.

- this is a prayer, which means it's a battle. it doesn't come naturally, it's a gift from God.

2. In the morning.

- The morning is when we face the day

- our days are filled with toil and trouble

- We cry out for satisfaction, in the face of sin, finiteness, opposition and futility

3. With Your steadfast love.

- as we see a day of trouble and problems, where do we look for satisfaction? in the love of God. 

4. That we may rejoice all our days

- God tells us to ask him to make us satisfied/happy/glad/rejoice no matter what

- "all our days"- not just sunny/happy days, but all our days

- we are returning to dust, fading like grass..

a prayer: 

"God, do your amazing, internal miracle work of satisfying us with your love, so that in all those days- all those terrible days, including the very last one- short or long, whether the day lasts a long time or whether they get blown away overnight, we might rejoice and be glad."